Alright, I am back. Hit a little depression streak with not having a job and finances being up in the air, but all is getting back to the norm-ish. I did go to Greece (end of June) and had a blast and it was so beautiful. I am extremely fortunate to have Grandparents who take all of the family on these trips once a year. Out of (my own) pocket expense = none, and the experience was unforgettable. Then I came home....
Nothing out of the ordinary, but unemployment was still at a stand still waiting government approval, which didn't get resolved, for me, up until the beginning of August. 2 months no money coming in and no jobs to speak of, other than clothing, and with a body like mine and not being female, it was not going to happen. But regardless, all that is in the past.
I am on a fresh start...again. Sound familiar, almost like the first post. New rules, new bootcamp, and a whole new set of weights.
Ok so we all know that Oprah's final season is upon us. My goal is to be off insulin and physically fit by the close of her season (which is around my birthday, which will be in time for my sweet sixteen times 2), with no plastic surgery to help me through. Why Oprah, you may ask, why not, I would answer. Her battle over weight and her guests' weight has been shown all through time on her show, and my battle has been through my whole life. So that's why! I am hoping to be fit before the season finale, but I am going to keep that as a goal and if it is sooner than, great!
New bootcamp:
http://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/best_sellers/p90x.do?tnt=P90X_SHAKE_A2&code=P90XDOTCOM
This will be a replacement for my normal bootcamp until I can start doing the payments again. Then I will be doing BOTH.
New weights:
I got a 160lb weight system (Bar and Dumbbells) at a sporting goods store for extremely cheap (due to wrong signage). Yay for me, bad for them.
So here I go again. First day was today, which was back and shoulders and some abs. I hurt and I am sore. So now I am going to relax in the pool. See you tomorrow.
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Thursday, September 2, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Hesitancy
Hesitancy
So, at this moment, there are exactly seven minutes before midnight, at which I turn 31. I need to get something off my mind and continue with my blog the way I intended it. Once this is done, everything else I want to talk about should come pretty easy.....
So the reason for the abrupt writer's block right after posting 4th grade is this. I was molested for many years and I do believe it started during that grade if not right before. It was not by a relative, but by my housekeeper's son. He was a few years older than me, and we went to the same elementary/junior high school, not to mention he stayed with us. I can't remember when or even how it started, but it continued for awhile.
As I said in an earlier post I think my parents must have figured out something, otherwise why the hell would they have sent me to School Counselor, because I forged their signatures on notes my teachers sent home, I think not.
As I grew older I never felt comfortable in my own skin, I never wanted to date, I always wanted to keep my friends real close, I was never comfortable with intimacy. For all these years I have been able to mask all my fears from the outside, but unable to mask them from myself.
I will never forget when I had a conversation with my mom and her friend, Susan Lowenstein, who was an extraordinary woman and psychologist. (remember I am using alias') The conversation went as follows, paint me a picture. That was it, not deep thoughts, no how are you feeling today, just paint me a picture. Not sure when this was (as you may figure out later, I will be saying that alot, my timeline is so fucked up from blocking out certain memories, that I forget when events happen and sometimes events all together), but here was/is my picture. A dark alley; the night had painted the bricks all around me a deep navy almost black color; there stood a little girl with her back to wall with a light that shone on her from the sky; she was wearing ragged clothes and had dirty hair and had a single tear that was running down her cheek. That was my picture, and that little girl was me, and there are times, that I still see her. I am not sure what Ms. Lowenstein, and my mom though at the moment, but I now finally know what it meant for myself.
Welcome to my blog!
It is now 50 minutes passed the hour that my birthday started. I am going to stop for now because as you all know, I have bootcamp in just a few hours. I said what I needed to say, in brief expect, more in depth as time passes.
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So, at this moment, there are exactly seven minutes before midnight, at which I turn 31. I need to get something off my mind and continue with my blog the way I intended it. Once this is done, everything else I want to talk about should come pretty easy.....
So the reason for the abrupt writer's block right after posting 4th grade is this. I was molested for many years and I do believe it started during that grade if not right before. It was not by a relative, but by my housekeeper's son. He was a few years older than me, and we went to the same elementary/junior high school, not to mention he stayed with us. I can't remember when or even how it started, but it continued for awhile.
As I said in an earlier post I think my parents must have figured out something, otherwise why the hell would they have sent me to School Counselor, because I forged their signatures on notes my teachers sent home, I think not.
As I grew older I never felt comfortable in my own skin, I never wanted to date, I always wanted to keep my friends real close, I was never comfortable with intimacy. For all these years I have been able to mask all my fears from the outside, but unable to mask them from myself.
I will never forget when I had a conversation with my mom and her friend, Susan Lowenstein, who was an extraordinary woman and psychologist. (remember I am using alias') The conversation went as follows, paint me a picture. That was it, not deep thoughts, no how are you feeling today, just paint me a picture. Not sure when this was (as you may figure out later, I will be saying that alot, my timeline is so fucked up from blocking out certain memories, that I forget when events happen and sometimes events all together), but here was/is my picture. A dark alley; the night had painted the bricks all around me a deep navy almost black color; there stood a little girl with her back to wall with a light that shone on her from the sky; she was wearing ragged clothes and had dirty hair and had a single tear that was running down her cheek. That was my picture, and that little girl was me, and there are times, that I still see her. I am not sure what Ms. Lowenstein, and my mom though at the moment, but I now finally know what it meant for myself.
Welcome to my blog!
It is now 50 minutes passed the hour that my birthday started. I am going to stop for now because as you all know, I have bootcamp in just a few hours. I said what I needed to say, in brief expect, more in depth as time passes.
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Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Day 57
Day 57
bootcamp 0500 - 0600
bootcamp 0710 - 0805
After a grueling morning bootcamp I needed to take a little bit more of a break than I usually do. So I started the next one a little later than I had planned, but since I am un-employed I could do that. I also have to say that last night I was with my trivia team and out till midnight with them. I was so hungry that I had stopped by a subway to get my $5 dollar footlong. Sounded good at the time, but when I woke up this morning at 3:30, I could still feel that $5 dollar footlong nestling around in my stomach. I had to still eat breakfast (Jenny Craig Pancakes and Vegan Sausage) because I need the energy for bootcamp, not to mention I need it to take my pill in the morning as well. Well into the middle of the first bootcamp I think it finally rested and was able to continue without the nauseousness. But that's that.
I've included a gross video of me rinsing out the sweat from my T-shirt just to give you a glimpse of just how hard I am working to make my dream come true. Enjoy, but not too much because that would be weird. Enjoy the rest of your day, I know I will :)
bootcamp 0500 - 0600
bootcamp 0710 - 0805
After a grueling morning bootcamp I needed to take a little bit more of a break than I usually do. So I started the next one a little later than I had planned, but since I am un-employed I could do that. I also have to say that last night I was with my trivia team and out till midnight with them. I was so hungry that I had stopped by a subway to get my $5 dollar footlong. Sounded good at the time, but when I woke up this morning at 3:30, I could still feel that $5 dollar footlong nestling around in my stomach. I had to still eat breakfast (Jenny Craig Pancakes and Vegan Sausage) because I need the energy for bootcamp, not to mention I need it to take my pill in the morning as well. Well into the middle of the first bootcamp I think it finally rested and was able to continue without the nauseousness. But that's that.
I've included a gross video of me rinsing out the sweat from my T-shirt just to give you a glimpse of just how hard I am working to make my dream come true. Enjoy, but not too much because that would be weird. Enjoy the rest of your day, I know I will :)
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Day 56
Day 56
Bootcamp 0500 - 0600
Bootcamp 0630 - 0730
Yeah, still not getting easier. These circuits are so freakin' hard. I put my shirt on the shower curtain rod and moments later, I see it start to drip. Gross I know, but you have no idea. Good news though I now know what a side push-up is, bad news.... I now know what a side push-up is. I must say that I am surprised that I am not sore (currently knocking on wood). Even though it is difficult it is do-able, and eventually I will get better. Till tomorrow blog followers, aka Mom and Dad.
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Bootcamp 0500 - 0600
Bootcamp 0630 - 0730
Yeah, still not getting easier. These circuits are so freakin' hard. I put my shirt on the shower curtain rod and moments later, I see it start to drip. Gross I know, but you have no idea. Good news though I now know what a side push-up is, bad news.... I now know what a side push-up is. I must say that I am surprised that I am not sore (currently knocking on wood). Even though it is difficult it is do-able, and eventually I will get better. Till tomorrow blog followers, aka Mom and Dad.
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Monday to Monday Days 48 - 55
Day 48
Bootcamp 0500 - 0600
Bootcamp 0600 - 0700
Jenny Craig -5 (which means I gained 6 since the first week)
So, clearly frustrated as far as weightloss, but let's face it I hardly consider this past week as an accomplishment with missing a few bootcamps here and there. As far as bootcamp goes I went to 2 of my class bootcamps, no Insanity today (which is scheduled as recovery week)
Day 49
Bootcamp 0500 - 0600
Bootcamp N/A
I bowed out of the second bootcamp today. Not really sure what happened today. I am still a bit lazy, and I figure since it is recovery week in Insanity, if I just do my normal bootcamp, that should qualify as recovery for the second one. Like I said Lazy....but also have a huge day tomorrow.
Day 50
Bootcamp 0500 - 0600
DISNEYLAND 1030 - 2130
Today is the day I go to Disneyland to celebrate one of my good friend's 40th birthday. I actually did really well today as far as eating, for I did not eat anything at Disneyland- just made myself a protein shake, one Jenny craig energy bar, 1 orange, and 1 bag of Jenny Craig popcorn, and I have to say I indulged a little and had 1 of those cream cheese filled pretzels (I know, but so good). In the day I feel pretty proud of myself, at night not so much. At the end of the day we all felt so tired, so on the way back, after dropping off all my friends, I went to pizza hut to order a pizza and chicken wings.....I had nothing all day, and I was starving and exhausted, pizza sounded so good.
Day 51
Bootcamp N/A
Bootcamp N/A
Do you honestly blame me. Disneyland was the cause of missing both bootcamps today, still so tired. All I did today was sleep......and finish the leftover pizza and chicken wings (I KNOW, bad DREW)
Day 52
Bootcamp 0500 - 0600
Bootcamp 0700 - 0800
So back to a normal day today. I did the recovery exercise of bootcamp #2 and I have to say I know, now, why it is recovery. It is very slow and burns in each exercise but does not make you huff and puff like the other days. What a relief......
Day 53 Saturday....
Bootcamp N/A
Yes I took another day off. Leave me alone. I have been working my ass off (Literally) for the last month and a half or so.... This is the last day before the storm which is....... INSANITY MAX!
Day 54
Rest Day
Shut up! Yes another rest day, I get it.
Day 55
Bootcamp 0500 - 0600
Bootcamp 0650 - 0750
Jenny Craig -15.8
First can I say, Holy EFFFING CRAP! Insanity Max is quite difficult. It's an hour opposed to 40-50 minutes. Each circuit feels like my shoulders are going to collapse. I feel like I am going to die! Ok now that that is done,
Jenny Craig not too shabby. I finally started losing weight again. Yay me!
Holy Crap that bootcamp hurt... Sorry for saying it again, but it really did.
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Bootcamp 0500 - 0600
Bootcamp 0600 - 0700
Jenny Craig -5 (which means I gained 6 since the first week)
So, clearly frustrated as far as weightloss, but let's face it I hardly consider this past week as an accomplishment with missing a few bootcamps here and there. As far as bootcamp goes I went to 2 of my class bootcamps, no Insanity today (which is scheduled as recovery week)
Day 49
Bootcamp 0500 - 0600
Bootcamp N/A
I bowed out of the second bootcamp today. Not really sure what happened today. I am still a bit lazy, and I figure since it is recovery week in Insanity, if I just do my normal bootcamp, that should qualify as recovery for the second one. Like I said Lazy....but also have a huge day tomorrow.
Day 50
Bootcamp 0500 - 0600
DISNEYLAND 1030 - 2130
Today is the day I go to Disneyland to celebrate one of my good friend's 40th birthday. I actually did really well today as far as eating, for I did not eat anything at Disneyland- just made myself a protein shake, one Jenny craig energy bar, 1 orange, and 1 bag of Jenny Craig popcorn, and I have to say I indulged a little and had 1 of those cream cheese filled pretzels (I know, but so good). In the day I feel pretty proud of myself, at night not so much. At the end of the day we all felt so tired, so on the way back, after dropping off all my friends, I went to pizza hut to order a pizza and chicken wings.....I had nothing all day, and I was starving and exhausted, pizza sounded so good.
Day 51
Bootcamp N/A
Bootcamp N/A
Do you honestly blame me. Disneyland was the cause of missing both bootcamps today, still so tired. All I did today was sleep......and finish the leftover pizza and chicken wings (I KNOW, bad DREW)
Day 52
Bootcamp 0500 - 0600
Bootcamp 0700 - 0800
So back to a normal day today. I did the recovery exercise of bootcamp #2 and I have to say I know, now, why it is recovery. It is very slow and burns in each exercise but does not make you huff and puff like the other days. What a relief......
Day 53 Saturday....
Bootcamp N/A
Yes I took another day off. Leave me alone. I have been working my ass off (Literally) for the last month and a half or so.... This is the last day before the storm which is....... INSANITY MAX!
Day 54
Rest Day
Shut up! Yes another rest day, I get it.
Day 55
Bootcamp 0500 - 0600
Bootcamp 0650 - 0750
Jenny Craig -15.8
First can I say, Holy EFFFING CRAP! Insanity Max is quite difficult. It's an hour opposed to 40-50 minutes. Each circuit feels like my shoulders are going to collapse. I feel like I am going to die! Ok now that that is done,
Jenny Craig not too shabby. I finally started losing weight again. Yay me!
Holy Crap that bootcamp hurt... Sorry for saying it again, but it really did.
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Sunday, May 16, 2010
Sunday To Sunday Days 40 - 47
Day 40
bootcamp 1500 - 1540
Sunday, Mother's Day: So after a weird schedule I was finally able to do my cardio recovery. I realize today (Day 47) I should have done it sooner.....
Day 41
Bootcamp 0500 - 0600
Bootcamp 0600 - 0700
Instead of doing 1 morning class and doing insanity, I just decided to double up the morning class. I hadn't seen my cousin for awhile, because he was sick, so I wanted to hang around and be his partner for the next hour. It was weight day, so it was tough, but do-able.
As Far as Jenny Craig was concerned I had gained 4 lbs. UGH! But as I said earlier, the weight will be bouncing around, but still, UGH!
Day 42
Bootcamp 0600-0700
Bootcamp #2 N/A
Instead of my trouble with the alarm, our bootcamp leader had the trouble this time. She had overslept and missed the first class, so I stayed at the facility until the second class started. I didn't have a chance to do insanity that day. On a good note though while our instructor was setting up for the 0600 class, I had a chance to get my measurements done. I lost 8% body fat since the first week of bootcamp (Totally makes up for how I felt at Jenny Craig), and most of the body measurements stayed the same, but the difference is, Not Flabby. You can now definitely see muscle development across my body, where it used to just be jiggly.
Day 43
Bootcamp 0500 - 0600
Bootcamp #2 N/A
So I woke up today and wasn't feeling all that great. I think I must have eaten something yesterday because this morning, not good. And to add to it, My quads (Upper leg muscles) felt like they were going to bust out of my thighs. SO STIFF. The one thing I will say about my Bootcamp class, she loves to do legs, and man do I feel it. Because I wasn't feeling that great I opted out of the Insanity bootcamp afterward.
Day 44 + 45
NO BOOTCAMPS AT ALL :(
Today and Yesterday I woke up late and missed my bootcamps, STUPID ALARM! I also do believe I needed to take a small break from bootcamp because of the day of not feeling as well as just being too sore. Unfortunately that also meant I was taking the final week of normal Insanity off as well. Not sure what the plan is. Next week is a whole week of Cardio core and balance (or also known as Recovery Week) before I hit the Insanity Max Training!!!!! I am thinking I am going to go ahead with the Recovery week plan and just keep going on schedule even though I hit a snag with this week.
Day 46
bootcamp 0900-0950
Today I felt like a lazy ass, so I did my Insanity Bootcamp today. The first day after two days of nothing. It felt good, and fairly easy (Still hard, but a vast difference from the first week which is what I mean by easy). I am much more confident today about my decision to do the recovery week the following and moving on to the Insanity MAX!
As a side note I am glad I took a little break because I saw my cousin after the bootcamp session and he told me the morning class has been increasing in intensity and my instructor is tearing it up in class. UH OH!
Day 47
Relax day before the storm. I am going to be bringing it for the next 5 weeks. No more bullshit, and no more excuses, THIS IS IT. Sounds confident.....I AM.
This is now the end of a crappy week and the beginning of bigger and brighter things to come. Here I go.
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bootcamp 1500 - 1540
Sunday, Mother's Day: So after a weird schedule I was finally able to do my cardio recovery. I realize today (Day 47) I should have done it sooner.....
Day 41
Bootcamp 0500 - 0600
Bootcamp 0600 - 0700
Instead of doing 1 morning class and doing insanity, I just decided to double up the morning class. I hadn't seen my cousin for awhile, because he was sick, so I wanted to hang around and be his partner for the next hour. It was weight day, so it was tough, but do-able.
As Far as Jenny Craig was concerned I had gained 4 lbs. UGH! But as I said earlier, the weight will be bouncing around, but still, UGH!
Day 42
Bootcamp 0600-0700
Bootcamp #2 N/A
Instead of my trouble with the alarm, our bootcamp leader had the trouble this time. She had overslept and missed the first class, so I stayed at the facility until the second class started. I didn't have a chance to do insanity that day. On a good note though while our instructor was setting up for the 0600 class, I had a chance to get my measurements done. I lost 8% body fat since the first week of bootcamp (Totally makes up for how I felt at Jenny Craig), and most of the body measurements stayed the same, but the difference is, Not Flabby. You can now definitely see muscle development across my body, where it used to just be jiggly.
Day 43
Bootcamp 0500 - 0600
Bootcamp #2 N/A
So I woke up today and wasn't feeling all that great. I think I must have eaten something yesterday because this morning, not good. And to add to it, My quads (Upper leg muscles) felt like they were going to bust out of my thighs. SO STIFF. The one thing I will say about my Bootcamp class, she loves to do legs, and man do I feel it. Because I wasn't feeling that great I opted out of the Insanity bootcamp afterward.
Day 44 + 45
NO BOOTCAMPS AT ALL :(
Today and Yesterday I woke up late and missed my bootcamps, STUPID ALARM! I also do believe I needed to take a small break from bootcamp because of the day of not feeling as well as just being too sore. Unfortunately that also meant I was taking the final week of normal Insanity off as well. Not sure what the plan is. Next week is a whole week of Cardio core and balance (or also known as Recovery Week) before I hit the Insanity Max Training!!!!! I am thinking I am going to go ahead with the Recovery week plan and just keep going on schedule even though I hit a snag with this week.
Day 46
bootcamp 0900-0950
Today I felt like a lazy ass, so I did my Insanity Bootcamp today. The first day after two days of nothing. It felt good, and fairly easy (Still hard, but a vast difference from the first week which is what I mean by easy). I am much more confident today about my decision to do the recovery week the following and moving on to the Insanity MAX!
As a side note I am glad I took a little break because I saw my cousin after the bootcamp session and he told me the morning class has been increasing in intensity and my instructor is tearing it up in class. UH OH!
Day 47
Relax day before the storm. I am going to be bringing it for the next 5 weeks. No more bullshit, and no more excuses, THIS IS IT. Sounds confident.....I AM.
This is now the end of a crappy week and the beginning of bigger and brighter things to come. Here I go.
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